Glitter and Be Gay

Why do I try so hard to get through to people? Why am I so forgiving? People have treated me terribly and yet still part of me wants to be included. It’s stupid and I know I’m better off. I’m an adult and that’s something we don’t have in common.

I saw something online today about Turkish Delights. It made me think of my old loft, my red couch, my truck parked in the yard behind, flip cup, my friends, beer on the floor, a yellow shirt, and a goodbye that came too early. Damn Internet.

My house was broken into today. It has always happened to other people’s homes, other people’s things. Not mine. Today it was a little piece of my faith in good that was stolen. I felt invaded. A stranger was in my space, seeing my things, my dogs, my little treasures you can’t replace. They kicked in my back door and came into house. They left the gate open, the door open while they let my 13.5 year old dog out into the 90 degree day. They ripped the tv off of a wall mount and left. That was it. Some would say we were lucky. I feel like they took much more than a tv. I wonder how long it will be until I feel safe again…in my own home.

Slow down You’re never gonna catch her now You have to know She will never see things quite like you do

And I know you showed her things that you will never show to me And I know she told you things that I will never get the chance to say But I guess, I guess That’s just the way love goes

Lust, is such a fleeting thing Away, you just give it all away But where will you go when all your bridges have burned?

And I know you showed her things that you will never show to me And I know she told you things that I will never get the chance to say But I guess, I guess That’s just the way love goes

I don’t want to lose you But I can’t compete When everything you need is all I’ll never be

will never see things quite like you do

And I know you showed her things that you will never show to me And I know she told you things that I will never get the chance to say But I guess, I guess That’s just the way love goes

Slow down You’re never gonna catch her…

Here I am again in the same place I always end up. The closer I get to graduating the more I freak out that I’m going to be stuck in a job I can’t stand for the rest of my life. Being a teacher is admirable, of course, I love kids, and helping them learn but what I’d love more is teaching them drama or music. I’d really love to just write songs all day and record music. I think the practical side of me knows that’s a riskier option so I am pursuing teaching because it’s stable, summers off, good benefits. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

If Liam would stop growing I could just be a nanny forever for him.

Thought about music therapy but of course TN is lame and doesn’t offer it.

No one reads this so I guess I’m talking to myself.

I constantly change my mind and it’s very annoying. I went to a writers round on Wednesday and Lisa Carver played a new song called Angelica. The first line one “Sometimes I think that I am gay” and then it had other great lines like “My friends are all genius and are made up of bartenders, nannies and maids.” basically it boiled down to, no matter what, she wouldn’t change a thing. Shed still be a songwriter and even if she was broke, she owned it. I used to have that mentality and I let other things get in the way. Life, relationships, money, work… I used to write a song everyday and I can only write really great songs when I feel miserable. It’s like that for a lot of writers though. Back to lisa’s song. It made me realize my life isn’t over. I can still write music, I can still be successful at it- I just have to dedicate the time to it. My songs aren’t going to write themselves nor are they going to go find me a publishing deal. I need to regain focus and do what I love. I have to stop making excuses for myself.

I was talking to a bartender at the tin roof a few months ago and I said something about a cheesy piano track on some song. He said you must be in the music business. I said no, not really, I just write and play. He said you don’t just write. You ARE a songwriter. That’s what you do. Own it. I think these are all signs. After all my fbirute writer didn’t start playing out until she was 27 and that’s how old I am now. Signs. Everywhere.

Xo- Natalie Bradley Songwriter.

If ever i feel alone it’s by my own volition. I just don’t know what happened to my sweet disposition.

They say it ain’t complicated Any fool can understand Until the fuse is lit and It blows up in your hand

It all looks good on paper Step by step, you follow the plan In the sky watch the desperate vapor Til It blows up in your hand

Love is rocket science What comes up it must come down In burning pieces on the ground We watch it fall Maybe love is rocket science after all

Not if, but when, you crash and burn Somehow you survive But you’ve touched the hem of heaven For a time you felt alive

Love is rocket science What comes up it must come down In burning pieces on the ground We watch it fall Maybe love is rocket science after all

From the distance in the twilight Love is such a beautiful thing Dry your eyes beneath the night sky And I’ll hold you, I’ll hold you I’ll hold you like your dream

Love is rocket science What comes up it must come down In tragic pieces on the ground It’s worth it all Baby love is rocket science